OMOTE / REAL-TIME FACE TRACKING & PROJECTION MAPPING
just ordered 5 yds ^-^
I have a weird experience I cannot describe, but needs to be told. It happened hours after “The Moment,” which is what I term the moment in which I realized that I am what is currently termed trans. And not in the way so many others describe or understand it, I realize this now. The Moment was like a trumpet call, a mist-laden hill suddenly filled with riders bearing a message or a great death. Or both. Definitely both.
But I am not talking about the Moment right now. I am talking of an event which occurred that night, as I lay in bed. So there I was, my mind and soul (what I call that mysterious energetic part of myself that I can feel - I am atheist) releasing a hysterical cacophony of confused despair. So many canyons of thought building bridges in this one night, my mind and body exhausted, my soul raging in its release from impotence. It sought to do - something.
I decided to let go. I gave myself up to the feelings threatening to consume me, and they did.
It started outside my body, as another body entering my body. The feeling is what may be described as being possessed by an alien body. The literal feeling was of an additional body growing into - becoming - my own, superseding my own, but in a sort of symbiotic biological merging. The interpretation I remember having at the time - because in my absolute terror at this odd experience I needed some sort of context in which to place this - was that I was back in the womb, and I was merging with my twin - my female twin. I was becoming a chimera, a human whose body is composed of two separate beings.
What was an additional strangeness was that in the merging, I wasn’t me merging with her, I was both of us at the same time. It felt like both of us were dying at the same time, and both being reborn anew. The experience started in my head and spread quickly down my spine and then out into the rest of my body - but as I described previously, the large part of the experience took place outside my body first.
As the merging happened, I began to convulse. This went on for some time, rhythmically, pain giving way to an otherworldy euphoria, then back to pain again, over and over. Eventually it stopped and I drifted off, exhausted.
I had pushed this odd experience to the back of my mind until I read immediately prior about convulsions being associated with the phenomenon of personality/emotional shift in traumatized individuals. This was probably the most unsettling experience I have ever had in my life.
If anyone has had any personal experiences similar to this, please let me know. It happened maybe in the first week or two of November last year, when I first transitioned.